Signs he might be your soulmate.

The definition of a soulmate is subjective, of course, but I'm of the belief that we have many soulmates in our lifetimes - male and female alike. These are people who have left an indelible mark on our lives, passing along wisdom in some season when we needed it the most. And in my experience, these soulmates mostly show up in one of two forms: calm or chaotic. Some fleeting. Some enduring. My husband rides the calm and enduring train - with hilarity and harmony always one stop away. His telltale soulmate signs show up in all kinds of places. Here's how I know:

1. He might be your soulmate if: He doesn't bat an eyelash when you tell him he's gonna have to dry off post-shower with one of the two flimsy beach towels we own because I donated all of our bath towels to the dog shelter. (Our wedding registry later solved that one.) Thankful.

2. He might be your soulmate if: He seeks out $5 toothpaste in an attempt to help you avoid a common ingredient known as sodium laurel sulfate because he knows it irritates your extra sensitive skin. I can only picture my sweet scientist reading the fine print on my behalf. Ditto on sunscreen, shampoo and soap. Salud.

3. He might be your soulmate if: You get stumped with hard parenthood questions, like "What's a pimp?" and he fills in the gaps without missing a beat. (Hint: "I don't know" is apparently an acceptable answer.)

4. He might be your soulmate if: He dutifully doles out your wiener dog's meds when you are out of town. Bonus points if he admits it's good practice for when you get old. Wait ...

5. He might be your soulmate (and a damn fine gentleman) if: He still opens your car door. This is major and I still gawk incredulously every time he does it.

6. He might be your soulmate if: He puts his cologne on OUTSIDE because he knows the lingering smell inside the house is a migraine trigger. God bless him.

7. He might be your soulmate if: He can untangle your bird's nest of necklaces upon arrival at every vacation destination. (Clearly, I need a better travel system.)

8. He might be your soulmate if: He celebrates the mundane with champagne. Shout out to Living Room Dance Party and Pajama Battleship.

9. He might be your soulmate if: He lays the cooking compliments on thick, even when it ain't so good. (I see you, Sugar-Free Muffins, and I'm working on it.)

10. He might be your soulmate if: He cleans the bathtub because he knows how much you hate to do it yourself. (Sing hallelujah.)

11. He might be your soulmate if: You catch him cradling your dachshund and singing nonsensical songs into her ear. (This goes for toddler nephews, too.)

12. He might be your soulmate if: He cooks. Even if only once in a blue moon. True love is waking up to the smell of breakfast. But true love at its very finest is finding your beloved standing over the stove, pan-searing a slice of watermelon in an attempt to surprise you with a bite of the delicious fruit you haven't tasted in nearly eight years. (Background: You've picked up by now that my immune system struggle is real. Melon is one of the many fruits that will not cooperate. After years of enjoying it hive-free, my body hit shuffle on food allergies and added the sweet summer staple to the already long list of raw foods I must avoid. The good news is that cooking the jerks will break down the live enzymes that cause my allergic reaction.) Enter Mr. Wonderful, who knows I miss melon the most. He wasted no time throwing a slice on the stove and serving it up for testing. Verdict: Soggy, but sweet. I'll take it.

13. He might be your soulmate if: His gifts communicate he's on board with who you are. Case in point: Jesus Feminist - a book I never mentioned was on my private Amazon wish list. After I unwrapped it one Christmas, it planted a mustard seed for what became a thought-provoking, Biblically focused book club with a round table of other "Jesus feminists."  The moral of this story is: If he welcomes, supports and even politely challenges some of your views on the world, you're in good hands.

14. He might be your soulmate if: He surprises you with a Mango Icee or a Snickerdoodle cookie because he knows they are your trashy foodie Kryptonite.

15. He might be your soulmate if: He utters sentences like, "It's been a long time since we've done an 80s night." Man after my own heart.

To be continued ...

The red book.

Three years ago today, Mr. Wonderful and I had our first date. Two weeks later, I invited him to join some friends and I to celebrate my 32nd birthday. Admittedly, I was a little bummed when he told me he'd be out of town during the festivities because I was eager to show off the "Hot Neighbor" I'd told my friends about. (That was our behind-his-back nickname for a solid two months.) But it was so early into our relationship that I kept my expectations for Hot Neighbor in check - and chalked up his apologetic decline to bad timing.

When Celebration Sunday came around, I spent the entire day in the company of good friends. A lovely brunch. Sangria. Late-night pizza. We even capped off the night with a little dancing on a school night. All my people were there and my heart was gorged with gratitude.

My best friend dropped me off at home around 11 p.m. and I walked the three flights of stairs up to my apartment - still smiling on the day's events. That's when I saw a brightly colored gift bag on my doorstep next to an enormous bag of M&Ms tied with a gold bow. I read the card attached:

"Happy birthday, beautiful. I'm positive I missed a good time."

I clutched my chest like I was having a heart attack. No. Surely not. It can't be from him.

But it WAS from him. And inside that bag was a red leather journal. That's when I knew this was a man after my own heart - presenting me with all those gorgeous blank pages after having known me a mere two weeks! I couldn't believe it.

I turned to that journal regularly after that, and in it I wrote about our experiences together. I recounted our travels. I shared fears. I crafted a poem! I told him about all the ways I was grateful for him. I expressed insecurities about being a bonus mama. I made a list of things I loved about him. I thanked him for pursuing me at my most skeptical. I documented every detail of his Christmas Day proposal and I admitted that I could hardly wait to marry him. In blue and black ink, I poured my heart onto those pages for nearly three years.

Love can sure bring out the 16-year-old girl in you.

Last month, I took that red leather journal to Mexico with me. On the morning of our wedding day, I wrapped it carefully in tissue paper and hid it in our Cabo San Lucas hotel room for my groom to find after I'd gone to get ready.

That old birthday present had become a leather-bound record of our romance. And that record of our romance became my wedding present to Hot Neighbor, Mr. Wonderful, my husband.

The story behind the confetti.

This moment stands out the most about my wedding day. Surrounded inside that tunnel of family and friends, I stood utterly amazed at the sheets of confetti that rained down on me and my groom. It was as though time slowed down for just five seconds. And I knew she was there with us.

This confetti, you see, came from dozens of cascarones made by my late grandmother. Making confetti-filled eggs was her most precious pastime. The woman didn't knit or do crosswords. Her lifetime hobby was making the brightly colored cascarones to sell at Easter time. When she passed away two years ago at 91 on the night before Easter Sunday, there were cartons upon cartons of the little gems left over. (I like to think she made it home just in time to celebrate with her creator. Perhaps she cracked one of her favorite "watermelon red" cascarones over some other angel's halo.)

Last winter, Mr. Wonderful asked me to marry him and I imagined our wedding. More specifically, I imagined the send-off celebration. I knew we had to break out those hand-painted eggs full of her hand-cut confetti. I wasn't quite sure how we were going to pull it off, but Mom promised she'd get five dozen cascarones to our destination wedding in Mexico.

I crossed my fingers the delicate shells would go unscathed as airport baggage handlers tossed luggage onto a plane from Austin to Cabo San Lucas. I held my breath knowing Mom would have to get them through Mexican customs. As "animal products," would they be considered agriculture and therefore prohibited and confiscated? This very important tribute to my grandmother rested on a game of red light, green light.

And then, GREEN.

We did it. SHE did it. And it was positively magical.

Note to self: Worry about yourself, dear.

A couple years ago, Mr. Wonderful gave me a Q&A book for Christmas. It's basically a one-sentence-a-day journal for couples filled with 365 questions to answer over the course of three years - starting over again each January. The idea is that, with a little bit of effort, you'll have a pretty sweet snapshot of your relationship. (What I'm saying is that if you put a daily reminder on your calendar and leave the book in places you think your partner will notice, and also cross your fingers, you should net out with enough answers for a respectable comparison.)

Clearly, I enjoy this ritual much more than he does. I'm lucky if Mr. W documents more than three words at a time. On the flip side, I have trouble stopping myself at one sentence. This should surprise no one.

The thing is, the data is SO telling! I've harvested this information after just a year's worth of entries, and there's already so much evidence staring back at me to reinforce my investment in this relationship. Most poignant are the recurring themes of family, faith, finances, career and goals for the future. It's fascinating to see where our answers match up and where they don't. And when I ask myself why these insights are so meaningful, I know it's because I got it right this time - especially after so much time getting it wrong. And the only proof I need is the way my life looks today with him in it.

Clearly, I get pretty geeked up when it comes to drawing parallels for growth, development and expectations - both personally and professionally.  Some people can play an instrument beautifully. Others are fantastic athletes or chefs. I don't have a green thumb or a knack for writing code, but I do get pumped about the sociology of relationships.

Allow me to elaborate. Recently, the Q&A book asked us to fill in the following blank:

"I wouldn't have really understood (                ) if it wasn't for you."

Now, a number of answers would have fit nicely here.

Texas A&M. Energy drinks. The GOP. (Hey, we don't have to agree on everything to love one another.)

But the word I wrote in that space was "MYSELF."

So much that I know about me has come from who I am when he and I are together. And it reminds me of something I read recently by Glennon Doyle Melton:

Marriage is dogged, determined patience. It’s also one of the only ways we’ll ever truly know ourselves. Because to know ourselves we have to stop flitting and face our demons in the face of another person who serves as our mirror. Who reflects the best and worst of ourselves back to us. 

DING! DING! DING!

Don't major on the minors. And other marriage advice.

Since we got engaged, Mr. Wonderful and I have received a lot of advice. Some solicited and some unsolicited, of course, but it's all welcome - both the sweet and the sarcastic. If you've got insight, I wanna hear it. In fact, I wrote last year about a sweet old woman who shared some very pragmatic advice with me about her marriage of 52 years (make it 53 now). I appreciated her honest wit because this is how we learn, y'all. Ask questions. And then listen. Even if you didn't ask a question. From incredible foresight to a cautionary tale, you've probably seen more than  a few of the pearls of wisdom I've compiled here. (Actually, I'm sure you could find some of them hand-painted on a wooden pallet on Etsy.) These thoughts represent knowledge acquired from friends and family. Some single. Some over the course of decades of marriage. Some after painful divorce. But each statement holds meaning for someone. And all have been passed on to us. I'd love to add yours, too.

- Say "yes" as much as possible.

- Always keep God first in your life and all else will fall into place, including your golf swing.

- Be patient with each other. Never go to bed angry and say I'm sorry when you know you should. Don't let pride get the best of you. Be best friends and laugh together. Be goofy. Be fun!

- Always kiss hello and goodbye.

- Make time for each other. Let God be your guide in all things that you do. Remember: For better or worse!

- Sex.

- Communicate often and don't hold things in.

- Lean on God and each other to get you through hard times. Celebrate the good times and give God all the glory.

- Decide which battles are worth fighting about.

- Always date each other.

- Say I'm sorry first.

- It isn't important to always be right or get your way. It is important to make sure that your spouse knows how much you love and respect them.

- Don't defend yourself.

- Keep God first in your marriage. A chord of three strands will not break.

-  Forgive one another.

- Pick your battles. Don't major on the minors.

- Remember to say, "Darlin, this is the best burnt (           ) I've ever had."

- Always laugh at yourself.

- As the old adage goes, "Happy wife = happy life."

- Learn to do Lou Bega's "Mambo Number 5" dance together and you'll be in good shape.

- Read together.

- A couple that plays together stays together!

- Remember that you always have each other and cherish every moment.

- Laugh. A LOT.

- Keep Christ as the most important person in both of your lives. He will bring you closer together as you draw closer to him.

- Display a random act of kindness/thoughtfulness at least once a month to keep your partner guessing.

- Remember to date each other. And put your love first above everything else.

- Don't be afraid to get help when you need it. You don't have to work through the rough patches alone.

- Show love in the language you each receive it.

- Marriage is hard work and not something to give up on easily. Fight for your marriage!

-  A marriage is a partnership and partnerships are harder with distance. Whether emotional or physical, strive to be close always.

- Think before you speak. Once something ugly comes flying out of your mouth, saying "sorry" doesn't take away the hurt that the words caused in the first place. Sometimes it's better to just walk away and come back when you can think straight and have a level-headed conversation.

- Choose him. Everyday choose each other. Choose to be his wife. Choose to be his lover. Choose to be with him. Choose to fight with him and for him. Choose to love him. Some days it will be a struggle to choose him and on those days he'll choose you and remind you why you chose each other.

The gal upstairs wins the lottery.

This is kinda like one of those stories you hear about someone who bought a lottery ticket and then misplaced it. And then months later, they found the ticket under a pile of clutter and slowly realized the winning numbers were just out of reach all along. Kinda like that. The Gal Upstairs is what my fiancé called me during the first few months of our courtship in late 2012. "Gal" is one of his adorable East Texas nouns. There are many.

He texted me one September morning while I was at work: "Will you be my gal for the weekend?" I laughed aloud in my cubicle.  It was a Wednesday and he was already thinking about the weekend. I smiled, knowing that was his country way of letting me know he wanted to spend more time together.

My future husband lived just two floors below my apartment for an entire 14 months before I ever laid eyes on him. Our assigned parking spots were marked right next to one another, yet more than a year had passed before so much as a "good morning" was exchanged.  The easy explanation is that he works nights. My schedule is opposite his. Naturally, we missed one another coming and going. But I decided later that Timing was just taking a very long nap - for my own good really.

The truth is that God wasn't done schooling me. There was something very special about 2012. That January, I set very aggressive goals financially, spiritually and relationally. By June, Progress had shown up in curious form. I'd finally managed to close a couple of very heavy doors and take notice of an open window. (This is the part where I say the window had been open the whole time. Of course.)

So when I finally did meet Mr. Wonderful on that sweet summer day at my apartment swimming pool, I asked if he lived nearby. That's when he pointed directly behind us - to my building.

"Been here 'bout a year."